6 Things You Should Never Do at Bass Pro Shops

As is probably the case with most fisherpeople, Bass Pro Shops is my personal version of Disneyland. I could easily spend hours gawking at all the shiny new fishing reels or investigating every kind of brightly-colored bass lure that the store has in stock.

Although, once in awhile my quirky sense of humor takes over, and much like my relationships with my best fishing buddies, I have a tendency to tease the ones that I love the most.

If anyone out there is actually reading this post however, I will make a clear disclaimer — This blog post is merely for entertainment purposes. None of these activities should ever be attempted in any Bass Pro Shops store, nor are they endorsed.

1. Test out a new package of Junebug Gamblers on the largemouth bass in the freshwater tank. Besides, don’t you “know a guy?”
2. Stand in front of the display of chocolate MoonPies while you and your best fishing buddy pull your pants down and scream in unison, “You wanna see a MoonPie? We’ll give you a MoonPie!”
3. Walk up to the check out counter with a food dehydrator and casually mention to the cashier that you can’t wait to see how your pet python tastes after you make him into a bag of snake jerky.
4. Tell the nearest salesman that you’d like him to hold a few cans of Predator Bomb Coyote Urine at the counter for you while you finish your shopping because your boyfriend prefers the scent over Calvin Klein’s Obsession.
5. Ask to have a set of Nikon Monarch Binoculars removed from the glass display case so you can try them out. Use them to check out the bum on that handsome fellow who works in the fishing department at the opposite end of the store.
6. Find the display of “Go Girl Feminine Urination Devices.” Stand in front of the display scratching your head until an associate comes over and asks you if you need some help. Then, put it to your ear and say, “Huh? Can’t hear you… what was that sonny?”

I know that many of you could easily add a few funnies to this list. Register on this site and tell me about the one thing that YOU think someone should never do on a trip to Bass Pro Shops.