I have to admit, Bass Pro Shops is my personal version of Disneyland. I could easily spend hours gawking at all the shiny new fishing reels or investigating every single solitary make of bass lure they have in stock. Although, every once in awhile my bad sense of humor gets the best of me … kind of like my relationships with my best fishing buddies — I’m so fond of them, I just can’t help but razz them (and they actually put up with all my corny jokes). So, if anyone out there is reading this, I am making a clear disclaimer now: This blog post is merely for entertainment purposes. None of these activities should ever be attempted in any store, nor are they endorsed.
1) Test out your new Junebug Gamblers on the bass in the freshwater aquarium.
2) Stand in front of the display of chocolate MoonPies while you and your buddy pull your pants down and scream in unison, “You wanna see a MoonPie? We’ll give you a MoonPie!”
3) Walk up to the check out counter with a food dehydrator and casually mention to the cashier that you can’t wait to see how your pet python tastes after you make him into snake jerky.
4) Tell the nearest salesman that he has to hold a few cans of Predator Bomb Coyote Urine at the counter for you while you finish your shopping because your boyfriend prefers it over Calvin Klein’s Obsession.
5) Ask to have that new set of awesome Nikon Monarch Binoculars removed from the display case so you can “try them out.” Then use them to check out the tight bum on the guy who works in the fishing department from the opposite end of the store.
6) With a crazed look in your eye, tell the guy at the ammo counter that your boyfriend just cheated on you and that you’re a few steps ahead of Carrie Underwood when it comes to the whole “Louisville slugger to both headlights” deal.
7) Find the display of “Go Girl Feminine Urination Devices.” Stand in front of the display scratching your head until an associate comes over and asks you if you need some help. Then, put the narrow part to your ear and say, “Huh? Can’t hear you… what was that Sonny?”
Just a little challenge: I personally know at least five of you that could easily add a few funnies to this list. Register on our site and add the one thing YOU think a person should never do at Bass Pro Shops.